Shit Happens

# Taoism: Shit happens.
# Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
# Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
# Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.
# Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
# Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
# Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
# Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
# Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
# Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
# Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
# Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
# Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
# Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
# Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.
# Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
# Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
# Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
# Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.
# Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
# Creationism: God made all shit.
# Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
# Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
# Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
# Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.
# Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
# Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
# Darwinism: This shit was once food.
# Capitalism: That's MY shit.
# Communism: It's everybody's shit.
# Feminism: Men are shit.
# Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
# Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
# Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
# Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.
# Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
# Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?
# Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
# Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!
# Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
# Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.
# Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
# Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
# Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.
# Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
# Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
# Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
# Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
# Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
# Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time.
# Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
# Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
# Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
# Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?
# Agnostic #3: What is this shit?
# Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
# Atheism: What shit?
# Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!
# Nihilism: No shit.

There are many versions of this list, purportedly started by Wavy Gravy. To this list I must add the following:

Freemasonry: We know shit; you don't.